2021-0216 condemnation
02/16/2021DREAM: I looked into the street and saw my spouse in the driver seat of a car. My spouse got out of the car and just looked at me. I felt like he was waiting for me to say something.
REFLECTION: Recently, I was reflecting on the topic of self-condemnation. Throughout the day, yesterday, I more deeply reflected on this topic. I believe our Lord is pleased with my reflection and would like me to share it.
Many of us feel like if something bad happens in our lives, it is because God is punishing us for our sins. God does not work that way. What we experience is not our Lord’s condemnation, but rather self-condemnation, which is the work of the devil. Self-condemnation, self-hatred, that’s what the devil wants for us. Not so, our Lord, not so!
Don't get me wrong, it is a beautiful grace to realize that we have done wrong. The grace of self-examination of conscience. Catholics even have the grace of the confessional to help rid us of self-hatred and self-condemnation. It is a wonderful tool to combat the true condemner, the devil. We can privately take an honest look at ourselves and admit to our own faults, quietly in our hearts. If we admit to our faults within our hearts, then when we are confronted with those faults in the natural world, they are not a surprise and do not have the power to throw us into despair. The true condemner, the devil, loses so much power over us when we are honest in self-examination, for he cannot tell us anything we have not already owned up to.
But do not be fooled. If we experience the true grace of self-examination, or self-reflection, our hearts will ache with sorrow over the wrongdoings we have committed, and rightfully so. Our reflection would not be sincere if we didn’t “suffer” our sins. Sometimes truth really, really, hurts.
The devil will do his best to condemn us while we walk this earth, but what about the afterlife? Our Lady told the little children of Fatima that, upon death, the greatest number of people go to Purgatory; the second greatest number of people go to Hell; and it is the fewest that go straight to Heaven.
Is it in the afterlife when our Lord steps in to condemn us?
The Church teaches us that, even then, it is not our Lord who condemns. Rather, we condemn ourselves. If we have not reached humility through self-examination of conscience in this natural world, then in the afterlife, we will condemn ourselves (to purgatory, hopefully, yikes) because we will no longer be able to avoid truth. There is no way to avoid this confrontation with goodness and truth. I understand that it is easier to purge ourselves in the natural world. In the afterlife, when we come face to face with our Lord and see him for the ALL that he is, we will also be confronted with the everything that we are not. Our Lord does not send us away; we send ourselves away because we cannot bear how we look when seen through the shining light of truth.
In my reflection yesterday, I was thinking how there are many great saints who talk about their place in heaven. Two that come to mind are St. Therese, the Little Flower, and Mother Theresa. St. Therese says that her place in heaven will be empty for she will be spending her heaven doing good things on earth. Mother Teresa says that she will be continually absent from heaven to bring light to those on earth who are suffering darkness. When I am before our Lord at the Pearly Gates, I will not be so great as they. His light will most surely shine too bright for my eyes. But there is no way I am going to send myself away from him. I will fling myself joyfully into my Father’s arms and hide my face on his neck, so the light does not overwhelm me. There will be nothing left to expose, because I will already have brought all my faults to him in the natural world. As for purgatory, I will be his ordinary little child who says, yes, I know I did wrong and have been such a nuisance, Daddy, but you already know all that and you are too merciful to hold them against me for I have truly and sincerely expressed my sorrow. I need you and love you and can't bear to be away from you. He will have no choice but to carry me with him through those gates. He is stuck with me. Who cares if I am not great, but just ordinary? Our Lord fills the ordinary to their fullest, just as he fills the great to their fullest. He will make sure I do not lose out on my little fill.